Democrat Speaker: You’ve elevated Walken and the Republicans. You’ve made them genuine players on the world stage.
Leo: I didn’t elevate them. The Presidential Succession Act of 1947 did. And I’m not prepared to think about politics when we’re under terrorist attack. The Republic comes first.
Josh: You’re campaigning in the middle of a national tragedy…
Atwood: You don’t get it, do you? The Republicans are in awe of Bartlet. He recused himself in the only way he could. In the way envisioned by the Constitution… The whole notion of the 25th Amendment is that the institution matters more than the man. Bartlet’s decision was even more self-sacrificing because he willingly gave power to his opposition.
Josh: The institution may matter more, but it’s your guy protecting it, not ours.
Atwood: A truly self-sacrificing act usually involves some sacrifice.
Josh: So, now you’re going to nail us to the cross.
Atwood: No. You beat the terrorists at their own game. We’re not stupid, Josh. We try to use this to our advantage, it will blow up in our faces. We’d seem callous and unfeeling. In contrast to Bartlet’s extraordinary gesture of courage and patriotism. And anyone who thinks otherwise has a particularly craven way of looking at politics.”
Will: Diane Frost is a serious name.
Josh: Diane is a serious loon of the left.
Toby: I love Diane Frost. I’d marry Diane Frost if I were a member of her stated sexual preference, but Diane is the definition of unelectable.
Toby: In a triumph of the middling, a nod to mediocrity, and with gorge rising, it gives me great nausea to announce Robert Russell - Bingo Bob, himself - as your new Vice President.
Will: This lapdog of the mining interests is as dull as he is unremarkable…
Toby: …as lackluster as he is soporific. This reversion to the mean…
Will: …this rebuke to the exemplary…
Toby: …gives hope to the millions unfavored by the exceptional… Bob Russell: not the worst, not the best, just what we’re stuck with.
Will: I need to see my bed, I’m thinking of carrying a picture of it on my wallet.
Donna: Schadenfreude?
C.J.: You know, enjoying the suffering of others. The whole rationale behind the House of Representatives.
Ashland: It’s all compromises, now. The ones who have no record of scholarship; no body of opinions, nothing you can hold them to. That’s who they’ll confirm. Raging mediocrities… I have good days and bad. But on my worst days, I am better than the amped-up ambulance chasers you could get confirmed by this Senate. You can’t do it, Jed. You’re not strong enough. The Speaker’s running the table and I can’t take a chance.
Donna: There’s no agreement.
Josh: How far apart are we?
Donna: They’re leaving the building.
Donna: There are pages turned down with Post-its to tell you which of your relatives the gifts are for. If you’re happy with the choices you should initial at the X. If you’re not happy with the choices, you should remember how this goes when you try to do this yourself.
Josh: I like the polar fleece stuff.
Donna: Who’s in charge of shopping?
Josh: You are.
C.J.: Toby.
Toby: Yeah.
C.J.: Is there something you wanted?
Toby: World peace?
C.J.: Toby, I’m not protecting you. Go hide from the President somewhere else.
Donna: A lot of them, their judges spoke at their sentencing about the harshness of what they had to impose…. Scrutinize away. You tell me? Do we toss out Daisy Aimes, mother of three… had a boyfriend who stored a kilo in her closet. She’s done eight years and is facing eleven more. That’s longer than rapists and child molesters get… I don’t see a list anymore. These are people.
Toby: More college kids think they’ll see UFOs than Social Security checks.
Bartlet: But they don’t tell you how many believe in UFOs; that’s the number we ought to be worried about.
Leo: My generation never got the future it was promised… Thirty-five years later, cars, air travel is exactly the same. We don’t even have the Concorde anymore. Technology stopped.
Josh: The personal computer…
Leo: A more efficient delivery system for gossip and pornography? Where’s my jet pack, my colonies on the Moon?
C.J.: That was fun! Sanctimonious little guttersnipe sent a great big fat one up and over the plate. Health care reform! From a guy who’s still on the fence about the application of leeches!
Leo: I’m sorry but can we really justify spending $800,000 on ‘A Bio-Cultural Approach to the Study of Female Sexual Fantasy and Genital Arousal’?
Toby: How can we afford not to?
Josh: Lang? Isn’t she a lefty?
Leo: Yes. We want the left flank sufficiently mollified and the right flank sufficiently panicked so as to inspire a little conciliation on all flanks.
C.J.: You begin every day juggling a very precise schedule which completely, completely falls apart by mid-morning.
Josh: Sir, have you read the talking points?
Bartlet: I’m an economist. Some would say half-decent. I don’t need a primer on this.
Charlie: Due respect,sir, your answers on economics can be a bit—
Bartlet: Polysyllabic?
C.J.: Academic.
Leo: I was going to go with incomprehensible.
C.J.: Say you’re from Minnesota.
Toby: I’m from Minnesota.
C.J.: No, we’re pretending you’re from there.
Toby: We’re not actually.
C.J.: And you’d like prescription drugs from Canada.
Toby: What do I have?
C.J.: Not important.
Toby: It could be clouding my judgment.
C.J.: You’re no fun anymore.
Toby: I’m having fun.
Toby: Listen, we need to make a call on Camden Yards.
Josh: Huh?
Toby: It’s Memorial Day. He’s gonna toss out the first pitch at Camden Yards.
Josh: Cancel it. Eh, can’t cancel it; sends the wrong message. Ask for a moment of silence. And Toby, he’s gotta, you need to take him out with gloves and a ball.
Toby: It’s a six foot toss from the stands. It’s Little League.
Josh: FDR threw from the stands; beaned one of his photographers in ‘37, extended the Depression by four years.
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